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Victories and Defeats
Our little grandbabies are so precious to us, and we celebrate every tiny new victory, every gained bit of knowledge. He is my whole life, and I mourn as each of those things we celebrate in the children are taken from him: how do you play that game? How do you do a puzzle? When do I take those pills?
Little Yellow Bowl My little yellow bowl broke today, its handle finally succumbing to 34 years of regular use and hot dishwashers. It’s not much of a bowl. Plastic, part of a set long gone. And I was surprised at the rush of emotion I felt. You see, my mother-in-law gave me that bowl. She gave me the whole set as part of a large box of utensils and bowls and dishcloths and other kitchen things her son and I would need as we set up our first home together. While many may not see that as such a big deal, it was. I was most decidedly not her choice for her son. And yet, she still did this thoughtful thing. I use that bowl for nearly everything. It has a little spout, making it perfect for pouring pancake batter on a hot griddle or cake mix into cupcake tins. And every time I used it over the years, I thought about her. The rest of the contents of that box are mostly long gone. But the little yellow bowl hung in there, for 34 years. My mother-in-law and I had what can ta...
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A sweet old grandmother told me of the months she’d spent hand-knitting precious little items for a new great-grandchild, and her long journey to Alaska to see the little angel, only to be told by the child’s mother that “she’s not in to pink” and have her gifts refused, and her heart broken.
And I watched a young man who’s out of work and struggling, expressed deep, heart-felt gratitude for a hot cup of tea and a warm place to get out of the cold for a bit. Gifts.
I’ve long struggled with the concept of the obligatory gift. You know, the gift you receive just because you gave a gift? Or the “expectation” placed on you because you’ve received a gift and now must reciprocate in kind? I love to give gifts anonymously, probably because of the obligatory gift thing. I love to give a gift just because I know it will bless the recipient. I look for, listen for ideas of just that right thing that will bring a smile, make the journey a little easier, or ease the burden of someone. No expectations of return. Just the blessing I get from having blessed another. Sometimes I get found out. Sometimes not. But leaving something special on a doorstep, allowing a person to think about all the people who love them and might be willing to do something nice for them...that’s fun to me.
A friend recently wrote about his disdain for Christmas and the concept of the “bargain gift.” He quite accurately pointed out that the rite on which this tradition is based was all about giving something costly, deeply symbolic and precious to both giver and receiver.
There was a time when I would have read his words and agreed 100%, disgusted with the concept of trying to save a buck and just give something to make sure we’ve put that check in the block. Back to that obligatory gift idea. But after pondering my friend’s words, I began to look at it differently.
Origen, a leader in the 1st century church said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” A professor I once had said, “Look deeply, because everyone you meet has a story to tell, a story worth your writing about.” I think they said nearly the same thing. We cannot know by watching a credit card swipe or a cart laden with gifts, what is in the heart of the giver. We have no idea whether the $10 the person next to us dropped into the offering plate is a meaningless token, or a great personal sacrifice.
A woman I know was proud of “helping” her mother clean out her home a few years ago. She went through the house throwing away piles of “useless clutter and junk.” Her mother sat quietly by, crying softly. My friend said she didn’t understand her mother’s reaction, but was sure her life was made better by her “help.” Her mother was heartbroken, because some of the things her daughter saw as meaningless and cheap were gifts the mother had received...gifts that held little material value, but meant something special to both giver and recipient.
Her daughter could not grasp how a cheap trinket or toy might have come at great cost to the giver. She could not...we cannot...look into the heart of a giver and know their motivation, their sacrifice, their own worth.
Yes, we are a culture which abuses the rite of Christmas giving far too often. And it’s terribly easy to get overwhelmed with all the expectations others place on us, and we place on ourselves. Too easy to let Christmas devolve into something that is a burden instead of a blessing.
But the only judgement we can safely make about the gift-giving ritual is the judgement of our own hearts, our own motivations, our own actions. In a society where so many of us have so much, where material gifts lose their meaning in the excess of it all, causing many to develop a disdain for something that was intended for joy, perhaps Origen offers us a gift idea that will bring blessing to both giver and receiver. Be kind. Judge not. Condemn not. Expect not. Demand not. Just be kind. After all, the whole of the Christmas story can be boiled down to that - God being kind to we who are fighting our great and personal battles.